


Episode: Redux II

by dksfwm



Series: Untitled Drabbles and One-Shots [2]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2019-02-11 22:02:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12944925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dksfwm/pseuds/dksfwm
Summary: A missing scene from “Redux II”





	Episode: Redux II

**Author's Note:**

> 20) Things you said that I wasn’t meant to hear

“ _I’d like to try this_.” My throat feels constricted, I practically have to choke out the words, and I can’t believe I’m actually taking your suggestion. But then again, I’ve often forgone my faith in science in favor of my faith in you.  
  
Everyone in the room is quiet. As if you and everyone else is trying to process my decision. That I’m agreeing with you. I think Bill scoffs.  
  
“Fox, a word?” It is my mother who breaks the silence. I’m suddenly afraid she may chew you out for suggesting something so outlandish, and I certainly don’t want her to do it here, now. You can make these professions of other-worldly solutions in front of me all you want, but my family will not accept as I do. They may be even more skeptical than I am.  
  
You look at me as if you expect me to throw you a life preserver, but instead I give you a soft smile. Whatever she needs to tell you, you need to listen.  
  
But then she gestures you out of the room, pulling your sleeve, almost. And you follow her obediently. Dr. Zuckerman takes the vial from my hands and leaves to prepare the chip for implantation. Now I am alone with Bill, whose expression continues in a back-and-forth manifestation of disbelief and anger. He won’t look at me directly, and he won’t stop pacing. I let out a tense sigh and attempt to shut out his shuffling.  
  
It is then that I am able to discern your conversation with my mother.  
  
“Do you really think this is the only shot Dana has left?”  
  
“Yeah. I really do.” There’s a long pause, and I’m sure my mother is trying to come to terms with what you’ve just told her. That this is the end of the road for me.  
  
“I’m at a loss, Mrs. Scully. She’s tired of fighting, I know she is, and I’m tired of watching her pretend that she isn’t.” Your voice has gotten lower, if it was even possible. And yet, through the walls of my hospital room, it still permeates and embeds into every fiber of my being. I think your voice sustains me; maybe it’s fighting the cancer for me, too.  
  
“I can’t afford to lose her. Watching her die, it may kill me. I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of in order to save her. I’ve sacrificed a lot for my work, our work. But her life is not one of those things I’m willing to sacrifice.”  
  
“You seem awfully concerned for her well-being, going to these extremes that you’re alluding to.” No, Mom, don’t bring this up now.  
  
“Mrs. Scully…”  
  
“Just as you must have done when she went missing a few years ago. And your behavior when she returned was quite something, as well.”  
  
Silence. I’m assuming my mother has pinned you with one of her stares, those “you can’t keep anything from me, and I probably already know” stares. Oh, Mulder, I’m so sorry.  
  
“I just.. I can’t let her die, okay? I can’t let her die knowing we could have tried something and didn’t. This chip, it has to work. I need it to work.”  
  
“You love her, don’t you, Fox?” Jesus, Mom, can’t you let this go? Please don’t put him on the spot like this.  
  
Your voice is almost a whisper now. I’m not quite sure how I hear it, but I do. “Yes. But that won’t matter if she’s dead.”  
  
It’s only when I try to take in more air that I realize I’m holding my breath. I can’t seem to release what’s in my lungs, and, startled at the lack of oxygen I’ve been depriving my brain, coughing becomes my only defense mechanism. It’s more a combination of choking and hyperventilating.  
  
Did you really just say what I think you said? And why do your words hurt rather than comfort me?  
  
Bill appears at my side, I think he thinks this might be the end. My mom rushes to my other side, as well, attempting to soothe me and wipe the tears from my cheeks. Once I regain something resembling my normal composure, I chance a glance at you, wide-eyed and terrified, like you know that I heard you. Like your admission of love is going to hasten my illness, when in reality, I think it’s the only thing that motivates me to fight.  
  
Yes, Mulder. Your love for me won’t matter if I’m dead. Just as mine for you won’t matter, either.


End file.
